- Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
- Me: No, but I did scrape my knees when I crawled up from hell.
i will forever be dumbfounded by the SHEER SIZES of some prehistoric animals i mean
i still think HORSES are big but
cOULD YOU IMAGINE
my dad accidentally butt-dialed me while on a date with my mum
they have the weirdest fucking conversations omfg
important edit: NEVER MIND THEY STARTED TALKING SMACK ABOUT ME. WHAT BITCHES. THEY SAID I EAT ALL OF THE COCOA PUFFS WHENEVER WE GET THEM.
WELL, SAY GOOD BYE TO ALL OF YOUR COCOA PUFFS NOW YOU CUNTS.
Buying band merch online..
invite me over to ur house it’ll be a blast ill pet your dog while ur parents yell at you
i hate when you voluntarily tell your parents some information about your life because you think you can trust them and then they bitch at you for it like congrats you have guaranteed that i will never tell you anything ever again